Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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