non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
