How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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