Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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