she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
