How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
