I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
