His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
