i barfeds in our rink
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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