I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
