it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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