i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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