Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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