I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
