Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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