dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
