hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
