For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
