jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
