cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
