Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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