I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
