I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Randomize
