Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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