In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
