Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
