at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
