4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
