If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm both gender and math confused
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
