another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
