I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
