We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
