I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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