Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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