you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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