Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
