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• (925): View more from California

  I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him

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• (650): View more from California

  Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I gave him a BJ in the shower

  (940): View more from Texas

  I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent

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