Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
