i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
