i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
