there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
