They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
