i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
