someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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