I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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