Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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