this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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