Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
