Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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