i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
